Tuesday, December 13, 2011

When Ugly is Beautiful

Working part time in a jewelry store, I have the opportunity to meet a lot of people. I love jewelry, and often enjoy getting people to try on pieces they may normally turn away from. This week, I was showing a couple in their mid-sixties some gorgeous pieces of chocolate diamonds, and the woman fluttered her hands nervously when I pulled out a ring.

“Oh, no, my hands are so ugly. I can’t wear rings.”

I was taken aback. She really meant it, as if her hands were somehow hideous monsters instead of the capable appendages they were. And honestly, this wasn't the first time I had heard this complaint from women of a certain age. I understand that we all have something about ourselves that we hate, and those things can often be magnified as we age, but I just couldn’t accept that kind of reaction.

I looked her right in the eye and said, “Your hands are beautiful. They are beautiful for all the things they make possible for you, for all that you have done with them, and all that you will do with them.”

She smiled and nodded, and they went on with their day, but it really got me thinking. How often do we get caught up in the vanity of things and forget to give thanks for the blessing those things truly are to us?

Shortly after I quit my job in 2009, something inside me went haywire. The technical term of the diagnosis was chronic autoimmune idiopathic urticaria… otherwise known as hives. I had them for days, then weeks, and later months. Huge portions of my skin would be covered in them, leaving me miserably itchy and horribly uncomfortable. Even worse, they were horrendous looking, like I’d been stung by hundreds of bees, and it left me very self conscious to go into public. What if they thought it was contagious? What if they judged me, or thought I had leprosy or something?

I went to doctor after doctor, underwent a battery of test, and was poked, prodded, and questioned within an inch of my life, all to have them say: We don’t know what’s causing it. We don’t know how long it will last (maybe forever). We don’t know how to stop it. I was prescribed pills and foul-smelling creams, assigned literature to read and diaries to keep. At one point I looked in the mirror and asked myself, is this going to be the rest of my life?

I went on the offensive, cutting possible allergens from my diet (gluten, dairy, and eggs – all at once), ditching all beauty and laundry products containing any sort of chemical, and carefully documenting daily life to try to uncover possible triggers. I lathered on the disgusting prescription cream when things got bad, and drove my poor hubby to the other side of the house from the chemically smell.

And none of it helped. Over and over and over again, the hives would erupt, leaving me in despair. And then one day, I decided to look at things differently. Why was I having hives? Though I couldn’t be sure of what I was reacting to, I did now the body chemistry behind it. Sparing you lots of technical jargon, the answer was my body was actually trying to help me by releasing histamines to protect me—unfortunately the response had gone haywire, and was seriously out of whack.

So, after nearly six months of misery, I decided to change my approach. My skin was upset, my body out of kilter, and I needed to calm it. Instead of despising my own body, as I had begun to do, I need to be thankful for it. I needed to focus on the good, be understanding of the bad, and be confident of my body’s ability to figure things out.

I ditched the nasty creams, and instead turned to olive oil. Soothing, all natural, and used for millennia to better skin, each morning I would gently rub it on the hives, taking the time to say out loud why I was thankful for my skin. The reasons were many. Absolutely everything we do through life is made possible by the miracle of our skin. The most obvious is that we are able to live because of our skin – without it we could not survive. But there was so much more than that. We are able to experience so many things; to feel a loved one’s touch, to relish the warmth of the sun, to feel the softest breeze. We can move, and dance, and run thanks to it. It was beautiful for all the ways it allowed me to experience and thrive in this world, and I was so thankful for it, regardless of its flaws.

In the weeks to come, that time each morning became an unusual mix of meditation and prayer. I actually made peace with my skin and the troubles I was having, and my anxiety and self-consciousness diminished. And do you know what? Within weeks my hives went away for good.

So, why have I told you all of this? It is because I learned something through the experience, and I try to live by that lesson now. That lesson is to be thankful for what we have, even when it is causing us problems or pain. I learned to consider the big picture, and to look past the imperfections that may be on the surface. Now I look at the ugly scar on my back and realize it is infinitely more beautiful than skin cancer. I am thankful for my big ole feet because I must surely have better balance than those with small feet. And I hope that as I age, I’ll feel blessed for the smiles that gave me crows feet and for the age spots that resulted from so many wonderful times in the sun.

So for all you out there who may look at a small part of yourself and be unhappy, take a moment to rejoice in the good. I think you may just be better for it!

So, do you have something about yourself that you hate or are embarrassed about? Tell me something good about that one thing! And if it’s your neck or your hands, I highly suggest buying some gorgeous piece of jewelry to make you feel better about them ;)

As a side note, one of the doctors later called to see how I was doing, and was surprised and thrilled to hear of my freedom from the hives. I thought she might think I was crazy when I told her what I had been doing, but she was very receptive, telling me she was a strong believer in the mind/body connection when it came to healing. Who would have thought!

23 comments:

  1. What a great blog, Erin. I never knew you had this issue, but I think it's awesome that you "cured" yourself. It really is amazing what you can do, when you put your mind to it.
    I think my most hated feature is my weight. I am so self-conscious about it. I dislike wearing shorts, tank-tops and standing next to skinny people, lol! I am starting at Curves next week, and I am determined to try to lose this fat I have been carrying around the almost six years since my first son was born.
    Other than that, I think I have accepted most of my "flaws", and even embraced them. I couldn't give two flips about wrinkles and gray hair- in fact, I'm proud of them! They tell people that I've LIVED. It's taken me a long time to get to the place I am now, and I love it.
    Thanks for the brave and inspiring post, m'dear. Just another reason I am proud to call you my friend. XO

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  2. This is a wonderful wonderful post:) An amazing story, I'm so thankful you shared it. Such a shift in perspective is life changing for sure! I recently wrote a poem about learning to be thankful for pain after the dullness of certain prescription drugs had muted my life and feelings for so long. Also, as far as looking at things in a different way -- my husband always says that wrinkles are souvenirs of experience. I love that:)

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  3. Thanks for your kind words, Olivia :) Yes, I totally understand the weight struggle - I've been there again and again. How beautiful that you have two wonderful boys to show for it, though! Good luck with your fitness journey, I have no doubt that with your will and strength, you will succeed!

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  4. Ha - Souvenirs of experience - love it!! Yes, Kara, life can be so different with a shift of perspective. I'm so glad that you can be thankful in the face of pain, and I'm even happier that you are on the path to wellness! When it comes to bravery and inner strength, you have it in spades!

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  5. Wonderful blog post Erin. You have touched on something that's plagued us all at different times. I was having vain selfish concerns recently and your post put it all in perspective again.

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  6. Great post! A mental and emotional attitude can do so much more than we usually give credit for. Okay, also trying to adopt Olivia's attitude for the next time I look in the mirror (neck and chin especially :() because I have lived. However, the aging and wrinkles do not stop me from wearing my necklace ;).

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  7. Awesome story, Erin! I'm with your doc. I too fully believe in 'mind over matter' and that sometimes, reacting to the bad reactions is what worsens it. It's amazing how even a little kid with a super scraped up knee can laugh at it IF the adult laughs and doesn't freak out. It's a tactic I've taken with my kids and boy has it worked. Mind over matter. :)

    Great post!

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  8. My hands are actually not very pretty either. I like what Truman Capote said of Colette's hands--"Serious writing is manual labor." My hands do look like a laborer's, but they did type 3 novels this year. Well done, hands. :)

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  9. Great post. A wonderful reminder of what is really important.
    Thanks.

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  10. I honestly think my hands are aging faster than the rest of me, but ... that's heredity stuff and beyond my control. Your situation with the hives reminds me of the skin problems my youngest child had. He would scratch, and the scratches wouldnt heal. After trying every product under the sun, and having them all fail, a very wise woman suggested dusting his skin with cornflour. He stopped scratching, his skin healed, and he never had a relapse. It's my go to product now for any skin irriation. As for jewelry, I'm hoping Santa found me something nice. LOL

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  11. Lauren, I think it is very easy to forget when something is bothering us. I'm glad that this could serve as a reminder for you :) Thanks for stopping by!

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  12. Never stop wearing the necklace, Jane! Yes, embrace it as your right, as Kara said - you've been living life and you've earned a few souvenirs along the way. Besides, I've seen you first thing in the morning - you're beautiful, my dear!

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  13. Yes, Aimee - attitude has SO much to do with how we handle things. After all, the child was probably doing something fun to earn that skinned knee, right? ;)
    Thanks for dropping by!

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  14. Lilia, I love, love, love that quote! Serious writing indeed - congrats to you and your beautiful, capable hands and what you have accomplished this year!

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  15. Thanks Robin -and thanks so much for stopping by :)


    Heather, I have never heard that about cornflour! Very interesting - I'll have to tuck that little tidbit away. And here's hoping Santa brings you what you want this year ;)

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  16. It is the BEST for nappy rash, too. Just grab one of those cooking shakers for dusting cakes. Its way better than baby powder which, because of the scents added, can affect a sensitive skin and the nose of the person doing the powdering.

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  17. Two things:
    1) What a great tip!
    2) I love that I have a friend who comes from a place where the word 'nappy' is used :)

    Thanks Heather! (And I'm one of those who HATES the smell of baby powder)

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  18. Erin, I remember you telling me this story sometime back and I'm so glad you're telling the world now. It's such a great example of how the mind *always* plays into the body. And gratitude is the fastest way to any positive result. I could share my hundreds of stories, but I'm sure blogspot would cut me off at some point :)

    My insecurities bounce around on a daily basis...lately I've been looking extremely pale and it's kind of driving me insane. lol. So I just keep giving thanks for bronzers. LOL!

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  19. Oh, and Heather, that tip is going to come in real handy tomorrow! Bella has a rash that won't quit!! LOL!

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  20. I often hear from younger people I would look 20 years younger if I only colored my gray hair. My reply is "I've earned every strand, and I really LIKE it!!!

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  21. I'm glad I decided to put my story out there too, Jerrica :) The power of positive thinking is amazing! And yay for bronzers - and blush, in my case. Sometimes we need those little boosts. Thanks so much for stopping by, and I hope that Heather's tip works wonders for little Bella!

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  22. Anon, I like the way you think! That grey hair is a badge of honor, to be sure. Besides, who doesn't like a silver fox...or vixen!

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  23. EK, you are wise beyond your years

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